We can’t be the only ones wondering what’s in retrograde these days. So, let’s put this wacky energy to use! Find your astrological sign and then find your perfect witchy match! Can we be friends with them all? Let us know who is your perfect witchy match below!
The Witches of Moonshyne Manor by Bianca Marais
A coven of modern-day witches. A magical heist-gone-wrong. A looming threat.
Five octogenarian witches gather as an angry mob threatens to demolish Moonshyne Manor. All eyes turn to the witch in charge, Queenie, who confesses they’ve fallen far behind on their mortgage payments. Still, there’s hope, since the imminent return of Ruby—one of the sisterhood who’s been gone for thirty-three years—will surely be their salvation.
But the mob is only the start of their troubles. One man is hellbent on avenging his family for the theft of a legacy he claims was rightfully his. In an act of desperation, Queenie makes a bargain with an evil far more powerful than anything they’ve ever faced. Then things take a turn for the worse when Ruby’s homecoming reveals a seemingly insurmountable obstacle instead of the solution to all their problems.
The witches are determined to save their home and themselves, but their aging powers are no match for increasingly malicious threats. Thankfully, they get a bit of help from Persephone, a feisty TikToker eager to smash the patriarchy. As the deadline to save the manor approaches, fractures among the sisterhood are revealed, and long-held secrets are exposed, culminating in a fiery confrontation with their enemies.
Funny, tender and uplifting, the novel explores the formidable power that can be discovered in aging, found family and unlikely friendships. Marais’ clever prose offers as much laughter as insight, delving deeply into feminism, identity and power dynamics while stirring up intrigue and drama through secrets, lies and sex. Heartbreaking and heart-mending, it will make you grateful for the amazing women in your life.
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 29th of March
Italian Greyhound. Persephone’s sidekick. Has strong side eye game.
Okay, we’re just going to say it. Aries is the zodiac sign that’s needy AF. They demand your undivided attention, your utmost loyalty, and to be constantly entertained, all of which Ruth Bader Ginsburg expects Persephone to provide. The pooch is also easily bored to tears, hence her ability to fall asleep in the middle of mob’s attack on the manor.
Having said that, RBG has boundless energy which manifests as constant quivering. Don’t mistake that for fear! RBG is pretty darn fearless and has no issue with taking on the police if she thinks they’re threatening Persephone. This kind of do now and think later attitude can be problematic, of course, especially since she views her 8-pound frame as being invincible.
RBG is a big personality in a small package. Don’t enter into any competition with her or you’ll live to regret it.
What she craves: A world in which over-sharing isn’t a thing.
What she needs to go for therapy for: That horrible feeling that deep down all Aries suffer from; that she isn’t good enough and never will be.
Persephone Stoughton: 8th of May
Teen feminist. Revolutionary TikToker. Looks like a sprite.
If you need something done —like taking down the patriarchy and saving a manor (along with its six witches) — there’s no better person to ask than a Taurus. True to her sign, Persephone is tenacious and stubborn, refusing to take no for an answer.
Because she likes to analyse everything— from the witches’ major PR problems to the town’s misogyny issues —she knows her own mind and is 100% clear on where she stands on all issues. While she’s still a teen, and has some growing up to do, she’s mostly comfortable in her own skin, not too fazed that she doesn’t fit in with her peers.
Unlike other Taurians, Persephone isn’t very good at chilling. But then, how can she be when there’s so much in the world that needs fixing? Perhaps if the town of Critchley Hackle sorted out some of its issues, Persephone could learn to kick back a bit. She’s also naturally a homebody and would definitely choose to spend more time at home, being cosy and snug next to the fire, if her father weren’t such a problem for her. That’s why she loves the manor so much: it feels like home.
What she craves: A better relationship with her father and more time to be self indulgent. Oh, and an end to the patriarchy, of course.
What she needs to go for therapy for: Learning how to move on and not live in the past. Also, she’s bought way too many crocheted dog collars for RBG. That shopaholic thing could become an issue if left unchecked.
Ruby Betwixt: 17th of June
Practices metamorphosis magic. Has been gone for a long time. Is the coven’s salvation.
Geminis are known for having a lot on the go and for keeping their options open. Their twin nature means that you can’t always be certain which Gemini is showing up: the kind one or the detached one; the gossip or the secret keeper.
Like most Geminis, Ruby is super fabulous, drawing others to her like a moth to a flame. She’s adaptable and has an unsatiable curiosity, though you’ll have to work really hard to retain her attention since it won’t linger for long before something else shiny catches her attention. She also isn’t very sentimental or emotional, which means she struggles with those who are, preferring to view things dispassionately and in a more cerebral way.
It takes a Gemini a long time to settle down, because of that whole short-attention-span issue, which explains why Ruby only found her soulmate much later in life. She also enjoys a good gossiping session, which is why she loves Jezebel who has always given her so much scandalous material!
What she craves: A damn good party in which no one’s talking about their feelings. And to have her deepest wish come true through the use of a forbidden spell.
What she needs to go for therapy for: How to best deal with the emotional clinginess of some of the sisterhood.
Ursula Saudades: 27th of June
Psychic. Secret Keeper. Holding onto a ton of guilt.
Ruled by the moon, Cancerians are secretive and intuitive, two traits that perfectly encapsulate Ursula who’s kept some secrets for way too long. The coven’s psychic, Ursula knows how to tap into her intuition in order to protect the witches. But she’s also rather moody and possessive, a trait that repels someone like Ruby the Gemini, who itches at the thought of emotional dependency.
While Cancerians demand your utmost loyalty, it isn’t a payment they aren’t prepared to reciprocate in spades. Expect Ursula to be your most loyal friend, your BFF, and the person who you could call if you needed to hide a dead body. She comes across as a mind reader because she always seems to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling – helped along by her crystal ball, tarot cards and tea leaves.
Being overly-sentimental hoarders, Cancerians like Ursula struggle to let go of things, including people and relationships. Once they give their hearts, they refuse to take them back, often to their own detriment.
What she craves: Absolution. And for the object of her desire to love her back.
What she needs to go for therapy for: To learn to let go of both her guilt and the unrequited love that has made her feel so awful for way too long.
Great Aunt Mirabelle: 7th of August
Ivy’s Great Aunt. Rescuer of orphaned witches. Maverick.
The matriarch of the coven, Great Aunt Mirabelle, is the perfect example of a Leo who liked to be the centre of attention. Heck, even after her death, she managed to rule from beyond the grave, commanding a room with her portrait being the focal point of the parlour. Welcoming and protective, Mirabelle opened her home and her heart to six little girls (who quite coincidentally made a rapt audience – that’s not why she took them in!). Leos love to fight for the underdog and will not stand for injustice or bullying.
Like most Leos, Mirabelle had a flair for drama, loving to entertain while living the high life in her enormous manor which she managed to keep in tip top shape. Being the belle of the ball, she attracted many suitors, despite refusing to conform to the times and what they demanded of women.
Fiercely protective of the coven, she perhaps was too possessive of them, making her death that much harder on the young witches who’d had no interaction with the outside world.
What she craved: To always be the centre of attention.
What she needed to go for therapy for: Learning how to keep her unsolicited advice to herself.
Ivy DuBois: 27th of August
Botanist. Owner of Moonshyne Manor. Can harness the weather.
While Capricorns fancy themselves as born leaders, those born under the sign of Virgo are enormously detail orientated and are excellent at organizing things to ensure they run smoothly. With that in mind, it perhaps would have been better for the coven had Ivy been in charge of running the manor and distillery.
While Ivy can come across as being overly critical, it’s mostly because she has such high standards for herself and everyone else. Despite this, and how uptight she can sometimes be, she still makes an excellent friend, one who can be quite naughty and fun when the mood takes her.
Virgos don’t boast. They’re more inclined to humility and making self-deprecating comments. As such, Ivy downplays her many achievements, which can often lead to imposter syndrome creeping in. An incredibly hard worker, and someone who loves helping others with her many elixirs and concoctions, Ivy needs to guard against being a control freak with martyrish tendencies.
What she craves: Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge!
What she needs to go for therapy for: All that knowledge can sometimes be a problem, especially since it has made Ivy somewhat of a secret hypochondriac. And she doesn’t need to Google her symptoms, either; her brain is vastly superior to Google!
Magnus – 17th of October
Owned a stable. Loved Ruby. Hated by Ursula.
Librans are the chameleons of the zodiac, managing to fit in just about anywhere. Charming and tactful, they’re generally beloved by all. Which was mostly true about Magnus, except when it came to Ursula. There are some people that not even Librans can win over. Hating conflict, it would never have occurred to him to challenge Ursula about it directly, using diplomacy instead to try and win her over.
Magnus, like most Librans, loved to think, spending much time spinning his mental wheels. It makes sense that his perfect partner was someone who would challenge him intellectually. Being so much in his head made Magnus somewhat of a procrastinator, preferring to analyse and ponder something rather than actually going out and doing it.
Librans don’t like disorder or chaos which is why Magnus ran such a tight ship at the stables.
What he craved: Justice and fairness, a world in which Ruby could just be herself.
What he needed to go for therapy for: Overthinking and analysing every little thing.
Jezebel Jones: 17th of November
Saucy minx. Has an anger management problem. Always had a hidden agenda.
Cracking with charisma, Jezebel is a seductress who attracts lovers to her in droves. None of them have ever truly known her, though, since she holds them at arm’s length, careful not to reveal too much of herself. Only the coven has insight into Jezebel personal life, but even they don’t know all of her secrets.
Her ruling planet, Pluto, ensures that Jezebel is drawn to extremes, the kinkier and more thrilling, the better. Her ideal group sport is an orgy.
Jezebel’s passion and fiery nature often manifests as rage, something she has found an outlet for in her beleaguered rage room.
For all her faults, there’s no one better for the witches of the coven to have on their side. Fearless and loyal, Jezebel won’t tolerate anyone threatening her sisterhood.
What she craves: Excitement and variety. Not going gentle into that goodnight.
What she needs therapy for: She can be a tad obsessive. Also, she has a habit of turning bad lovers into farm animals.
Tabitha Maldita: 7th of December
Exotic animal specialist. Widget’s mother. Grudge keeper.
Of all the Zodiac signs, Sagittarians have the least filter and are likely to say the most scathing or inappropriate things. Luckily Tabby has Widget to smooth over everyone’s ruffled feathers from this fallout.
A born traveller and adventurer, Tabby was the only one of the witches who regularly ventured out into the world. A free spirit, she loved having passionate debates and lively discussions with others who shared her love of animals. But that was all before the bad thing that happened.
Not one for compromising, Tabby likes it when plans go her way. When they don’t, as what happened 33 years ago, she struggles to adapt to the new status quo, especially since it constrains a soul that yearns to be free.
While she was once a classic Sagitarrian party animal on the surface, there are many hidden depths to Tabby who now spends so much time in her own head.
What she craves: Her old life back. And an apology from Ruby.
What she needs therapy for: There’s a lot that Tabby is bitter about.
Queenie (Sybil) Knight: 7th of January
Inventor. Girl Boss. Head Witch.
Queenie is such a Capricorn that she was given the nickname ‘Queenie’ when she was still a child, mainly because she appointed herself the coven’s monarch and bossed all the other witches around. A born leader, it has never occurred to Queenie that she isn’t in charge: of the witches and of her own destiny.
Impatient and a workaholic, she certainly encapsulates the less savoury aspects of the star sign, but don’t overlook all the positive ones. She’s loyal to a fault, works her butt off to take care of those she loves, and—being the formidable force that she is— doesn’t take any sh*t from the patriarchy.
Yay, Capricorns! Feminism has been greatly advanced by your kind whose laser focus bores right through the glass ceiling, rather than even acknowledging it to be a constraint.
While Queenie’s also blunt, it’s only because she doesn’t have time to skirt around issues; Queenie has a lot of stuff to do, people!
What she craves: Respect, recognition, and enormous success with her inventions. Oh, and electricity. Queenie would really like some damn electricity.
What she most needs to go to therapy for: To learn how to ask for, and accept, help.
Widget: 9th of February
Kick-ass familiar. Interpreter. Highly intelligent crow.
Most people think that since the water-bearer is the symbol for Aquarius, that Aquarius is a water sign. But it’s not! Aquarius is actually an Air sign. And who better to represent all Aquarians than Widget, Tabitha’s kick-ass crow familiar?
Though Widget is rather set in her ways, and can come across as somewhat detached (to anyone who isn’t Tabby), that’s not necessarily a bad thing: a good poker face is exactly what you need when betting on high stakes.
Widget appears to soften Tabitha, making her more palatable to the others, but if you’re paying attention, you’ll see that what Widget is really doing is cutting through Tabby’s BS, getting to the heart of the matter in true Aquarian form. And tough noogies if you don’t like it.
Like most Aquarians, Widget dances to the beat of her own drum (or should we say: she flies on wind currents no one else can discern). She doesn’t sweat the small stuff. Which makes sense, since crows don’t have sweat glands.
What she craves: Autonomy and alone time. And also, walnuts; she is a crow, after all.
What she needs to go for therapy for: Becoming more emotionally vulnerable so as to fully connect with others. Also, she has a bit of a co-dependent thing happening with Tabby which isn’t very healthy.
The Moonshyne Manor: 3rd of March
Home to the witches. An extension of their souls. Uber fun place to live.
It’s a common misconception that manors, or other lesser buildings, don’t have star signs. Which is ridiculous, because they have birthdates on which they were officially declared fit for habitation. If setting can become character, then the Moonshyne Manor is a leading one.
Like most Pisceans, the manor guards its secrets while also being expansive and inclusive. Of course, it’s magical and witchy, but joy is also seeped into its walls along with the sorcery. The manor is worldly – there’s nothing you can do that can shock it – and it has an old soul that understands the messiness of the human condition. It also loves a damn good party.
That said, like with all Pisceans, the manor feels things that much more than everyone else because the world is that much harder for it, which makes sense since the manor not only constantly gets battered from the outside by the elements that the witches conjure, it also needs to weather the storm of emotions raging within its confines.
What the manor craves: Drama, drama, drama. Oh, and a lick of paint. Even manors like to look pretty, you know.
What it needs to go for therapy for: Struggling to live in the real world and creating elaborate fantasies to avoid dealing with reality. Also, it eavesdrops way too much.
2 thoughts on “Which Witch Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?”
I’m Persephone, the rebellious and odd teenager who gets on with other people strange like her. Not a girly-girl but possesses immense intellect and very sensitive, compassionate soul. Always looking to help underdogs.
Secret feminist who will crush the Patriarchy meticulously and with insidious patience unless otherwise required.
What beautiful insights, Gillian!